The Changing of the Roll

May 3, 2006

When a person moves to a foreign culture, he or she has to get used to a lot of different things.

The first thought is: language. Yes, getting used to living in a foreign language is an adventure all by itself! Worthy of reams of paper, megabytes of computer space – just talking about the funny language goofs and mix-up and misunderstandings.

Probably the second most common thought is – food, people have to get used to new foods and familiar foods fixed in new ways. This is true. I recognize that this food is a carrot (it’s bright orange and a veggie, not a fruit!) – but what have you done to it? It tastes different, feels different on my tongue, why it even smells different! Hmmm. But soon a person realizes, hey, I like this food (except for the liver and fish) – it’s pretty tasty!

And there are many other things a person must get used to, living in a foreign culture.

However, I surprised myself this afternoon. I said something that I would never say in America. I was delighted over something that most people just kind of take for granted, only missing it when it’s not there.

I went to the pantry/linen closet where I keep all sorts of things, and got a roll of toilet paper off the shelf. It was wrapped in a white paper sleeve with pink printing. “Fantasia” I read aloud to Mel in Russian. Wow – my toilet paper is named “Fantasia!” I stopped half way to the toilet room to read the small print. One time I was amazed to read the small print on a roll and realize that it had come from the building next door. The building where they collect scraps of left-over paper, a paper recycling collection point. So THAT is what my toilet paper is made out of! This time I finally found the city – L’viv, in western Ukraine. Interesting, I thought to myself. L’viv is known as a truly Ukrainian city – we’ve heard that they have outlawed any speaking of Russian there, not even singing of hymns or reading aloud in church from the Russian Bible. I assume it’s true, but since I haven’t been back to L’viv for ten years, I can only go by hearsay on that.

I finished unwrapping the roll – a process which takes a little time. The wrapper is tightly glued to the roll of TP at the seam, where the two ends of the wrapper meet. I finally got hold of a piece of the wrapper and one layer of the TP and ripped it down the side. As the wrapper came off, I remarked to Mel:

“Yea! It’s the “crepe paper” kind! I am so thrilled!”

And then I thought to myself – who’d a thunk it? Who would ever have thought I would be so happy to unwrap a roll of TP that looks and feels like crepe paper? Ha ha!

But you see, we have a choice. Now we can buy the expensive white or colored TP’s that looks just like what we’d buy in the States. This toilet paper was unavailable 6 years ago. But as I said – it is expensive. Why flush money down the toilet? Or we can buy the “old kind.” And that is what we buy.

The old kind comes in several different “weights” and to me it’s like a game of Russian roulette. I pick up a roll of TP from off the bottom shelf at the supermarket and immediately run my finger across the top of it. The top and bottom are unwrapped (I think they make very long rolls of TP, wrap them in a long sheet of wrapping paper and then cut them into these short rolls, much like I used to do when I made refrigerator cookies, or a jelly roll). I have found that I can usually tell by running my finger/fingernail across the top, if the roll is “soft” or “sturdy.”

Now most people would think – soft! Buy soft! Oh, but that is because they have never USED soft TP. It always reminds me of the first half of an old commercial – twisted. “Melts in your hand ….”

So, I try to buy “sturdy.” But sturdy also comes in varieties. There is the “(gray)brown paper towel” weight, the “hey, this is nice stuff” weight, and the “crepe paper” weight. I am always thrilled when I open a roll and it is “hey, this is nice stuff.” But I am equally as happy when it’s “crepe paper” weight. That “brown paper towel” stuff is not too friendly.

Buying TP in the States is simple. I usually buy a cheaper brand that has lots of sheets to each roll (usually Scott). But here in Ukraine – buying toilet paper is an adventure, kind of a crap shot. You’re never quite sure what you’re going to get until you open the roll.

(Pun intended.)