I have not taken a shower since I wrote about our shower/faucet/kalunka last time. Mel and I were talking about it just a bit ago while I was adding more water to the washing machine. (I've written before how I always add water to this water-saver washer.) I was adding hot water since it was a load of whites, checking the temperature of the water off and on and listening very, very carefully to the water pressure as the water went through the kalunka. Standing there in the kitchen, if the kalunka had exploded, I would have been hit with a blast of steam and very hot metal. As Mel and I talked about the shower, I just burst into tears.
I guess I was more traumatized than I realized.
Is this like the proverbial getting bucked off a horse? Do I need to get right back on? Do I need to just get in there and take a shower? Mel has jury-rigged the nozzel so it hangs on a couple wires now. I won't have to hold it or hang it over my shoulder again. Hopefully.
I don't know. I do NOT want to ever take a shower in there again. That's all I DO know. Mel suggested I put a stool in the tub and just sit there and take a bath instead. (With the deeper depth of the tub, my size, the arthritis in my hands and having new knees, I can't sit in the tub and then get out. I love my new knees, but there are some real drawbacks to not being able to kneel on them any more. Imagine never kneeling on your knees again... I never realized how much we do that until I couldn't do it any more. Oh, getting older is no fun sometimes!!) I have a stool I can try - just not right now.
This all makes me feel more than a little depressed. And angry still. But who am I angry at? What am I angry at? I don't know. Terrified. Yes, that is a word that also applies.
Sigh.
So, I think to myself - have you prayed about this? And that opens up all sorts of things in my mind. Maybe I'm just angry at God for allowing this to happen in the first place. Maybe I'm angry that we have to put up with a stupid kalunka at all - if there can be very nice workable systems in other parts of the world, why is it like this here? Maybe I'm just angry at God for a whole lot of things here in Ukraine.
Do I even want to go there? No. Not right now. But I will.
A young woman talked to me a church yesterday. She is very hurt - emotionally and spiritually - by the actions of a professing Christian man. This man has hurt a lot of people in the church. The pain goes on and on. A liar. A thief. A swindler. A sham. A charming charismatic personality. A fake. And this young woman now "needs a rest" from using her spiritual gifts within the church. She is correct. She needs to rest and recooperate - both emotionally and spiritually. I told her that - but added "don't rest too long". She laughed because she understood what I was saying. I realized that I am still angry at the person who did this to her and to so many others. It's been going on for a long time and the pain and damage has just escalated. People on both sides of the pond have been hurt - but people here have been devastated.
Why, God? Why have you allowed this to happen? I do not understand. And I am angry - still. For how many years now? 5? 6? Oh! God - STOP him!!!
And yet - maybe that is exactly what is happening now. In my human understanding it sure seems to have taken God a long time to act. But maybe God has just allowed him to reach a depth that shows to everyone what he is. All I know for sure is that I am still angry and this young woman is another victim and it is going to take time for her to heal. I wonder about this man, and his own family, and I wonder - is this a blatant example of what an apostate is?
Hebrews 6:4-12
It is impossible for those who have once been enlightened, who have tasted the heavenly gift, who have shared in the Holy Spirit, who have tasted the goodness of the word of God and the powers of the coming age, if they fall away, to be brought back to repentance, because to their loss they are crucifying the Son of God all over again and subjecting him to public disgrace.
Land that drinks in the rain often falling on it and that produces a crop useful to those for whom it is farmed receives the blessing of God. But land that produces thorns and thistles is worthless and is in danger of being cursed. In the end it will be burned.
Even though we speak like this, dear friends, we are confident of better things in your case—things that accompany salvation. God is not unjust; he will not forget your work and the love you have shown him as you have helped his people and continue to help them. We want each of you to show this same diligence to the very end, in order to make your hope sure. We do not want you to become lazy, but to imitate those who through faith and patience inherit what has been promised.
Another young family is once again without an income. The husband has lost another job. I know no details at this time. All I know is that they barely had enough money to buy food to start with. Now - what are they going to do? My heart aches for them.
God - what are you doing? Can't You give them a break?
So, I am angry over our shower and the kalunka. And I am angry over other things here in Ukraine. And I am concerned. Anger seems to define our world right now. Anger - acted out, turned inward (depression), guiding so many people through their days. We live in an angry world. And I am part of that.
This is not good.
Ephesians 4:17-32
So I tell you this, and insist on it in the Lord, that you must no longer live as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their thinking. They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts. Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, with a continual lust for more.
You, however, did not come to know Christ that way. Surely you heard of him and were taught in him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus. You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.
Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body. “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold. He who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with his own hands, that he may have something to share with those in need.
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
Forgiving each other. whew. Bucket of cold water in the face - but then I wonder - if this man is not a Believer anyway, but an apostate...do I have to forgive him? ha ha (not funny). And - do I have to forgive the kalunka, too? ei yi yi. And, do I have to forgive God for what He is doing in other people's lives? NO!!! Not forgiveness, but submission.
And submission is so very, very hard.
Sigh. I'm so looking forward to heaven.
Showing posts with label anger. Show all posts
Showing posts with label anger. Show all posts
Monday, March 07, 2011
Monday, November 09, 2009
Facebook Conversation
I recently became "friends" on facebook with another young Ukrainian woman that we've known for quite some time. She is studying in another city and since all of the schools and universities are closed, she is on-line a lot during the day.
A couple days ago she asked me what "coplete" means. I responded that it was misspelled and was probably either "complete" or "couplet" and what each of those words meant. She then wrote that a guy she knows wrote to her: "You coplete me."
Big humongous bright red flags sprouted up all over my computer. Well, at least in my mind they did.
Good grief. Are guys still using that old, worn out "Jerry McGuire" phrase?? I guess so!
I immediately responded something along these lines: Who is this guy? Be careful! Young men who say things like this just want to have sex with you.
The tone of her response was not happy - with me. She defended him and herself and their relationship and explained it to me in sketchy detail (she was writing in English - we are practicing English this way, you see, to help her with both comprehension and writing).
I prayed for her. There are so many guys out there preying on young woman via the internet. But she had actually met this guy while he was here. I won't go into detail due to privacy issues, but they had met in a legitimate way, not him coming here looking for girls. I still was quite concerned. I've thought about her and this guy (and all the other guys she may be corresponding with that I have no idea about) and I've prayed for her more than once.
This morning she contacted me again, while I was reading the news, and told me: Cindie, did u remember XX.
U told me about him truth
he really not serious with me
when I told WE just friend because other country. He told me of course we friends, but free love it`s really Ok for us
(I asked her)Are you feeling ok? I know it hurts.
I`m Ok
because I use my judgment
I pray for the girls here so very often. Many of them are quite beautiful and Ukraine has a bad reputation and is a target for these guys. Of course, some of the girls are no better than the men who prey on them - those girls are getting all they can from the guys who only want their bodies. But many of the girls who get caught up in this are truly only looking for friendship or real lasting love. We have seen it so often here and it makes me so angry every time it happens.
A couple days ago she asked me what "coplete" means. I responded that it was misspelled and was probably either "complete" or "couplet" and what each of those words meant. She then wrote that a guy she knows wrote to her: "You coplete me."
Big humongous bright red flags sprouted up all over my computer. Well, at least in my mind they did.
Good grief. Are guys still using that old, worn out "Jerry McGuire" phrase?? I guess so!
I immediately responded something along these lines: Who is this guy? Be careful! Young men who say things like this just want to have sex with you.
The tone of her response was not happy - with me. She defended him and herself and their relationship and explained it to me in sketchy detail (she was writing in English - we are practicing English this way, you see, to help her with both comprehension and writing).
I prayed for her. There are so many guys out there preying on young woman via the internet. But she had actually met this guy while he was here. I won't go into detail due to privacy issues, but they had met in a legitimate way, not him coming here looking for girls. I still was quite concerned. I've thought about her and this guy (and all the other guys she may be corresponding with that I have no idea about) and I've prayed for her more than once.
This morning she contacted me again, while I was reading the news, and told me: Cindie, did u remember XX.
U told me about him truth
he really not serious with me
when I told WE just friend because other country. He told me of course we friends, but free love it`s really Ok for us
(I asked her)Are you feeling ok? I know it hurts.
I`m Ok
because I use my judgment
I pray for the girls here so very often. Many of them are quite beautiful and Ukraine has a bad reputation and is a target for these guys. Of course, some of the girls are no better than the men who prey on them - those girls are getting all they can from the guys who only want their bodies. But many of the girls who get caught up in this are truly only looking for friendship or real lasting love. We have seen it so often here and it makes me so angry every time it happens.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Anger
Well, I've seen the regular doctor (GP) and my knee doctor and the eye doctor and today the dentist. Whew. Packing it all into just a few weeks is not fun. Most people can do these visits over the course of a year, but we pack them into 3 or 4 weeks. :)
Mel and I went for dinner after our visit to the dentist. There were just a few people in the restaurant. We sat down near a booth where an older guy was sitting, talking to a woman a few years younger than he. A family came in soon after and sat down and 3 tables that had been pushed together. They were talking kind of loud and there was a small child with them who decided to yell about something. It got loud.
Suddenly the older guy near us just bellowed out: "Do we really have to have this?!?" Mel and I had been talking about a book he's reading and we stopped in mid-sentence and just looked at each other in surprise. The family stopped and their conversation sputtered along for a bit - but the kid shut up. Mel and I just shook our heads and started talking again.
Mel brought it back up as we were driving back up Ute Pass. I had been thinking about it a lot as well.
Why? you ask. Well, I'll tell you!
When we left London to fly to Denver just a couple weeks ago now, I had reserved emergency exit seats for both of us for the 9 hour flight across the Atlantic. When we got on the plane our section was less than half full, but there was a young family with a 2 year old little girl seated next to me and across the aisle. Much against my wishes, the flight attendent wanted us to move and let the husband and wife sit together and give Mel's leg room to the little girl so she could move around.
I understood her reasoning, but I had chosen those seats specifically so Mel would have leg room. Well, we finally agreed to move about 4 rows back where there was no one sitting. Mel buckeled in beside the window and I buckled in beside the aisle and we had an empty seat between us. Mel started reading and I started wondering what the heck I was going to do for nine hours with a little toddler sitting behind me, kicking my seat (so THAT is why the person originally sitting there moved to the center seats!) and reaching through between seats and tickling my ribs and making all sorts of noise. I sighed and thought to myself that if it continued for very long, I'd talk to the mother and ask her to make her little kid stop. Fortunately, within 5 minutes of taking off that little one, plus the older brother (about 3) were sound asleep.
About an hour later - maybe a bit more because we had already eaten and Mel had already gotten up to go to the toilet and give himself his insulin shot - the guy sitting in front of Mel turned around and started yelling at Mel to stop kicking his seat! Mel sat there in shock. I sat there with my mouth wide open staring at him. The guy turned around and I just said loudly, "What a grump!"
And then I got mad. I mean - I got furious. I have not been that angry in a very, very long time. I stood up and looked around for the attendent who had moved us. She was nowhere to be seen. Mel took one look at me and he knew. I was on the verge of losing it. "Calm down, sit down, it's ok." "It is NOT ok!! You did not ask to sit there! We had other seats and you were moved there. That guy is a jerk! You can't sit totally still for the next 8 hours!" I was steaming - burning - furious. I looked at the two little kids behind me and thought about how I did NOT turn around and yell at their mother when I was getting kicked and pushed and tickled by little fingers pushing their way between the seats.
Finally I realized that the attendent was never going to show up. Mel was still trying to get me to sit down and I was getting angrier and angrier at the whole situation. We had seats where Mel had plenty of leg room and we were moved and that guy was a whole list of bad names I will not repeat here.
I walked into the back section of the plane and asked the guy there where the blonde attendent was. He asked me if I meant Tracy and I said no, and he asked if I meant Debbie and I said, "Yes!" He saw how upset I was and went to get her immediately. She came out of business class and there we stood, beside an emergency exit at the rear of the plane, the three of us - the woman attendent, the man attendent and me. I promptly burst into tears - I was so angry at that point I could hardly speak. They got the story out of me - I emphasised that Mel has to move his legs - he's diabetic. They already knew that because he'd had a diabetic meal. She also knew how tall he is because she'd walked us to our 'new seats' and made sure we were comfortable. I was sputtering and crying and grinding my teeth and was totally embarrassed at myself, but angrier than embarrassed.
She said, "Come with me, I'll move you into business class and this man will talk the the guy who yelled at your husband." So, Debbie took us up to an empty row in business class and settled us there. Mel sat beside the aisle, I sat in the middle with a seat between us. I sat there with a napkin held up to my eyes, crying. Crying because I was still angry and I was still embarrassed and I still wanted to go back and give the guy a black eye. I am not kidding - that man was a jerk, a first class jerk. He was not nice, he did not say, "Pardon me, you keep bumping my seat, could you be more careful?" or anything like that. He raised himself up, looked over the seat and just blasted Mel, yelling as loud as he could to stop the damn kicking his seat! etc. A bit later the male attendent came by, leaned over and asked me if I was ok and to please don't let it ruin our trip.
You know, even now I am still pissed off at the guy who yelled at Mel, I'm still upset that Debbie moved us in the first place - I worked hard to make sure we got the original seats!
And tonight we listened to the guy near us do something similar, but more mild, to a family just out having a fun meal together.
The world is angry.
People are angry.
Anger fills the air.
Anger permeates situations all around us.
No longer is it just 'road rage' - it is 'airplane rage' and 'going out to eat rage' and 'you are getting in my way in the store rage' and so forth and so on.
I have a lot of ideas as to why this is, but mostly they all boil down to - we are living in the Last Days and Christ is returning soon. The world, the whole world is angry.
And it is frightening to find some of that anger inside of my own self.
Mel and I went for dinner after our visit to the dentist. There were just a few people in the restaurant. We sat down near a booth where an older guy was sitting, talking to a woman a few years younger than he. A family came in soon after and sat down and 3 tables that had been pushed together. They were talking kind of loud and there was a small child with them who decided to yell about something. It got loud.
Suddenly the older guy near us just bellowed out: "Do we really have to have this?!?" Mel and I had been talking about a book he's reading and we stopped in mid-sentence and just looked at each other in surprise. The family stopped and their conversation sputtered along for a bit - but the kid shut up. Mel and I just shook our heads and started talking again.
Mel brought it back up as we were driving back up Ute Pass. I had been thinking about it a lot as well.
Why? you ask. Well, I'll tell you!
When we left London to fly to Denver just a couple weeks ago now, I had reserved emergency exit seats for both of us for the 9 hour flight across the Atlantic. When we got on the plane our section was less than half full, but there was a young family with a 2 year old little girl seated next to me and across the aisle. Much against my wishes, the flight attendent wanted us to move and let the husband and wife sit together and give Mel's leg room to the little girl so she could move around.
I understood her reasoning, but I had chosen those seats specifically so Mel would have leg room. Well, we finally agreed to move about 4 rows back where there was no one sitting. Mel buckeled in beside the window and I buckled in beside the aisle and we had an empty seat between us. Mel started reading and I started wondering what the heck I was going to do for nine hours with a little toddler sitting behind me, kicking my seat (so THAT is why the person originally sitting there moved to the center seats!) and reaching through between seats and tickling my ribs and making all sorts of noise. I sighed and thought to myself that if it continued for very long, I'd talk to the mother and ask her to make her little kid stop. Fortunately, within 5 minutes of taking off that little one, plus the older brother (about 3) were sound asleep.
About an hour later - maybe a bit more because we had already eaten and Mel had already gotten up to go to the toilet and give himself his insulin shot - the guy sitting in front of Mel turned around and started yelling at Mel to stop kicking his seat! Mel sat there in shock. I sat there with my mouth wide open staring at him. The guy turned around and I just said loudly, "What a grump!"
And then I got mad. I mean - I got furious. I have not been that angry in a very, very long time. I stood up and looked around for the attendent who had moved us. She was nowhere to be seen. Mel took one look at me and he knew. I was on the verge of losing it. "Calm down, sit down, it's ok." "It is NOT ok!! You did not ask to sit there! We had other seats and you were moved there. That guy is a jerk! You can't sit totally still for the next 8 hours!" I was steaming - burning - furious. I looked at the two little kids behind me and thought about how I did NOT turn around and yell at their mother when I was getting kicked and pushed and tickled by little fingers pushing their way between the seats.
Finally I realized that the attendent was never going to show up. Mel was still trying to get me to sit down and I was getting angrier and angrier at the whole situation. We had seats where Mel had plenty of leg room and we were moved and that guy was a whole list of bad names I will not repeat here.
I walked into the back section of the plane and asked the guy there where the blonde attendent was. He asked me if I meant Tracy and I said no, and he asked if I meant Debbie and I said, "Yes!" He saw how upset I was and went to get her immediately. She came out of business class and there we stood, beside an emergency exit at the rear of the plane, the three of us - the woman attendent, the man attendent and me. I promptly burst into tears - I was so angry at that point I could hardly speak. They got the story out of me - I emphasised that Mel has to move his legs - he's diabetic. They already knew that because he'd had a diabetic meal. She also knew how tall he is because she'd walked us to our 'new seats' and made sure we were comfortable. I was sputtering and crying and grinding my teeth and was totally embarrassed at myself, but angrier than embarrassed.
She said, "Come with me, I'll move you into business class and this man will talk the the guy who yelled at your husband." So, Debbie took us up to an empty row in business class and settled us there. Mel sat beside the aisle, I sat in the middle with a seat between us. I sat there with a napkin held up to my eyes, crying. Crying because I was still angry and I was still embarrassed and I still wanted to go back and give the guy a black eye. I am not kidding - that man was a jerk, a first class jerk. He was not nice, he did not say, "Pardon me, you keep bumping my seat, could you be more careful?" or anything like that. He raised himself up, looked over the seat and just blasted Mel, yelling as loud as he could to stop the damn kicking his seat! etc. A bit later the male attendent came by, leaned over and asked me if I was ok and to please don't let it ruin our trip.
You know, even now I am still pissed off at the guy who yelled at Mel, I'm still upset that Debbie moved us in the first place - I worked hard to make sure we got the original seats!
And tonight we listened to the guy near us do something similar, but more mild, to a family just out having a fun meal together.
The world is angry.
People are angry.
Anger fills the air.
Anger permeates situations all around us.
No longer is it just 'road rage' - it is 'airplane rage' and 'going out to eat rage' and 'you are getting in my way in the store rage' and so forth and so on.
I have a lot of ideas as to why this is, but mostly they all boil down to - we are living in the Last Days and Christ is returning soon. The world, the whole world is angry.
And it is frightening to find some of that anger inside of my own self.
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