I spent part of yesterday doing what I knew I was going to have to do – working out the tensions and problems and sin on both sides of the fence with the person I blew up at and hung up on. I feel somewhat exhausted emotionally. My mind is foggy, but I seem to remember reading recently about “little deaths.” This feels like one of those times for me.
There is so much pride in me. I am always amazed when I am shown just a little glimpse of that big, deep pool of pride which makes up most of who I am.
But a man of lowly spirit gains honor.
Proverbs 29:23
For by the grace given me I say to every one of you:
Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought,
But rather think of yourself with sober judgment,
In accordance with the measure of faith God has given you.
Romans 12:3
All of you,
Clothe yourselves with humility toward one another,
Because,
“God opposes the proud
But gives grace to the humble.”
I Peter 5:5
So, a “little death” to self again. A “little death” to pride. All of the little deaths that must occur in my life as God continues to conform me to the image of His Son. I wish it was less painful. But I’m glad He does it. I’m glad He doesn’t give up on me in despair, throw up His ‘arms’ and say, “Enough! She’s totally hopeless, let me find someone easier to change.”
Some days I look forward to heaven more than on other days. Some day I have hope that will be true because I want to see my Savior face to face, not because I’m tired of having to deal with my sinful self here on earth. Some day I will put my self last and He will truly be first in my life. In heaven. Not before then, I am sorry to say.
Ah, see what happens when I get mad at someone? I am shown my own sin, back in my face, full force. No, not full force – I could not handle that much information. God is merciful, God is gracious to me.
Thank you for forgiving me, person I offended.
Thank you for forgiving me – and not letting me get by with it in the first place - Father in heaven!
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