In Genesis chapter 47 we learn that during a severe famine, Jospeh sells grain to the starving population of Egypt. Over the course of the famine, the people come to the point that they have no more money with which to buy grain. They sell themselves to buy grain, to stay alive. Now Joseph was honest and did not steal the money, the land or the people for himself, but turned it all over to Pharoah. Looking at it from an historical view point it has always made sense to me, although it seemed very sad that the people came to that point of losing their very freedom to stay alive. I've compared it in my mind to the indentured servants of the 1700's and 1800's who came to America, worked off their debt to their masters and then became free again. These people sold themselves to stay alive, to buy a better future for their families. People have done this since the beginning of time, in almost every culture.
One of the women in the group, Irina, became very upset during the discussion time. How could Joseph be a good person, how could he be a Godly person, how could he be following God's will, why should we admire him if he did such a thing - bought people in exchange for grain? Why did he not just open the storehouses and let the people have as much grain as they needed, free of charge? Ah, a very difficult question to deal with (that also shows her socialist or communist tendencies and personal history from being raised the the USSR)! I was very glad she asked. This Irina has a lot of questions like this. She wrestles with deep issues in scripture and seems to never be afraid to ask and disagree with the answers. Often her questions follow a theme, like a thread that runs through her life - "that's not fair!" And I wonder...what has happened in her life to cause her to see these things in scripture and ask the questions, wrestle with the issues that she does?
I am reminded of the old saying, "no one knows what goes on behind closed doors."
The older I get, the more I realize how little I know about and understand of the people I am in contact with daily. Even my husband. I do not know what he is thinking at all times, I can not read his mind. Shoot - I can barely keep track of what I am thinking! He and I are as close as two human beings can be, married, living together for 31 years, sharing hard times and happy times, joys and sorrows, successes and failures. Even so, he is an 'unknown' to me, a surprise to me often. That is good, I like it - he never bores me! :):)
But on a more serious note, I realize that I carry sorrows inside that no one knows about, even my husband. There is pain that cannot be shared, that should not be shared. Pain that comes with being alive and living in this sinful world. I wrestle and struggle with 'why?' questions all the time. I want answers! I want to know why because then maybe I can do something to change it. Too many times there is no answer to the 'why?' and I am left to come to grips with something that hurts, or makes me angry or makes me want to shout at the top of my lungs, "Lord, that is not fair!! Change it!!!"
I have learned that often I will understand the reason(s) at a later time. God is not silent. God is there. He is listening. He sees what is hurting me, He sees my pain, He understands it more than I will ever be able to understand. I face a situation. Something has happened and it cannot be changed. I become angry. I shout to God, demand an answer and when I hear it - I don't want it. My anger turns to grief and I grieve. There will come a time when acceptance will arrive and my soul will feel at peace again. The pain may still be there, but my soul will be at peace with it. I cling to this hope.
As I looked around at the faces in our English group today, I wondered to myself. How many of these people are in deep pain? Most of them, I am sure. How many of them would believe that I also carry a deep pain? Probably some would, others would not believe it for a variety of reasons. We hide our pain so well - behind smiling faces, laughter, working hard, doing good deeds, staying busy all the time in one way or another. So seldom do we take the time to listen to others, look for the clues that lead us to the pain in their life. It is much easier to take things at face value, concentrate on ourselves and our own pain, assume that everything is fine with them (they smiled at me, after all).
I hear Irina's cry because she is more vocal and more emotional than most. I wonder - what or who has been or continues to be unfair in her life? I may never know, but God does. I pray she will find her peace in Him.
For the director of music. For Jeduthun. Of Asaph. A psalm.
I cried out to God for help;
I cried out to God to hear me.
When I was in distress, I sought the Lord;
at night I stretched out untiring hands
and my soul refused to be comforted.
I remembered you, O God, and I groaned;
I mused, and my spirit grew faint.
Selah
You kept my eyes from closing;
I was too troubled to speak.
I thought about the former days,
the years of long ago;
I remembered my songs in the night.
My heart mused and my spirit inquired:
"Will the Lord reject forever?
Will he never show his favor again?
Has his unfailing love vanished forever?
Has his promise failed for all time?
Has God forgotten to be merciful?
Has he in anger withheld his compassion?"
Selah
Then I thought, "To this I will appeal:
the years of the right hand of the Most High."
I will remember the deeds of the LORD;
yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago.
I will meditate on all your works
and consider all your mighty deeds.
Your ways, O God, are holy.
What god is so great as our God?
You are the God who performs miracles;
you display your power among the peoples.
With your mighty arm you redeemed your people,
the descendants of Jacob and Joseph.
Selah
The waters saw you, O God,
the waters saw you and writhed;
the very depths were convulsed.
The clouds poured down water,
the skies resounded with thunder;
your arrows flashed back and forth.
Your thunder was heard in the whirlwind,
your lightning lit up the world;
the earth trembled and quaked.
Your path led through the sea,
your way through the mighty waters,
though your footprints were not seen.
You led your people like a flock
by the hand of Moses and Aaron.
Psalm 77
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