Sadness

Mel and I are staying at a motel in the Springs tonight. Mel is speaking at a Sunday School class in one of our supporting churches tomorrow morning. The weather forecast is for snow, beginning late tonight. It seemed easier, if not cheaper, to stay in town tonight rather than get up way early for me and try to drive over possibly very icy roads in the morning.

My mother had a big family dinner today, complete with turkey, dressing, mashed potatoes and her wonderful turkey gravy, cranberry sauce and to top it off, my favorite cherry pie. My Uncle Jim and Aunt Chris came up to from out on the prairie east of town. Chris had crocheted a huge afghan for me in my favorite colors. We'll have to ship it with a couple other boxes. Mel went down to the Springs and picked up Peter. Andrew had to work, but Kara, John and Stirling were there. My sister, Bonnie, decided to go on some kind of vacation to Arizona, so I missed seeing her one more time. All in all, it was great food and nice times talking with every one.

Stirling made a goodbye card for us, with a lot of help from his Papa. He chose the pictures from some magazines and John wrote the words with help from him. Then he glued them all on the paper, front and back, added some stickers and proudly gave it to me late this afternoon. I almost cried. "I will miss you, Grandma. And Grandpa, too."

This is the hard part of what we do. Leaving. Saying goodbye all the time to people we love. I am scheduled to return to see my surgeon in 15 months. In that amount of time Stirling is going to change so very much. From 3 and half to 5. From preschooler to kindergarten age. Oh my.

Peter told us he's taking a girl he's met to a hockey game next week. I look at both my sons and wonder - what will happen in their lives in the next 15 months? I pray for them. I will miss them both so very much.

Kara and John would like to have another child. Maybe I'll have another grandchild by then?? Possibly. Maybe. Only time will tell.

I am very tired tonight. It is only 10:30, but it feels like the middle of the late night to me. I know much of the tiredness is just plain sadness. I know we need to go, I know that is what we are supposed to do.

I always think that 'this time' is the most difficult. Tonight - I know that this is the most difficult leaving we have done so far.

I think I'll go to bed now, even though if I stay up it seems as if I'm making time go just a bit slower. It's an illusion, though. Time marches on.

Sadness.