So, tell me why I was still sick to my stomach and fighting a panic attack both on the way over and the way back?
Yes, the ride back was more crowded, but several people got off where we did, so it was not as bad as it could have been. I still had to push my way past a couple of people, but that's not as bad as being trapped in the back of the bus, so to speak.
I had to look out the side window and take deep breaths and all the time sweat was running down my face, dripping off my bangs and nose and getting in my eyes. The inside of my coat sleeves were soaked.
I am always too hot and just plain WET here in Ukraine, summer or winter, spring or fall. I (hear a loud GASP!) did not snap my coat shut nor even pull it around me as we walked home from the bus stop. People stared. People commented to each other. I will probably die from pneumonia or some sort of plague because I did that.
The funny-to-me thing is that I don't even wear a coat in the car in Colorado. If it is 25 F outside, I wear a coat TO the car and then take it off because I will be too hot once the car warms up. I'd rather be cold for a little while than dripping in sweat later.
I am frustrated and it makes me upset. 1) Why does my body do this to me? and 2) Why is this culture like this? Grrrr.
So we are at Oskar and I am happily putting things in my cart. Things like lentils!! and worchestershire sauce and BBQ sauce (both Heinz products) and balsamic vinegar and other things that I needed to buy to restock my kitchen and pantry. I have a long ways to go before it's back to where I like it to be, but it's a start.
(several hours later....)
There were leeks for sale again - yea! So I will be making leek soup sometime soon. The peppers were very expensive, but they are high in Vitamin C and Mel cannot eat very much fruit due to the high sugar content (dried fruit is even worse, maybe because it concentrates the sugar? I'm not sure why.) so I try to buy and use peppers as often as I can. Ditto tomatoes. I was hoping for pine nuts because I have a really good recipe I make with pine nuts, garlic and tomatoes but there were none (were none before we left for the States way back when, too) altho I could buy them for several years with no problem. I did find frozen cherries (for me) and some frozen green beans again. Mel can eat a lot of green beans at a meal, so that is good.
I realize how much my buying has changed over the years. Starches are not good for me - the ONLY time I loose weight is when I am on a low carb diet, cutting back on grains in all forms, potatoes and starchy veggies like beets. I know I would feel better if I ate like that - getting rid of sugar at the same time. It's just more time consuming to cook that way. I should - I really should, tho. And Mel does much better when he is not confronted with more carbs than he can eat. I realized the other night that instead of cooking ONE OUNCE of macaroni for him, I'd been cooking two - I weigh it out on a scale. I haven't done a lot of cooking for the last year, you see, and I need to get out my food program and relearn some of the amounts he can/should eat. His blood sugar levels were too high the next morning and he had to adjust his insulin. Not good. (Do you know how little 1 ounce of pasta is? Weigh it out sometime and look at it. It is not very much food - but that's all he can eat of pasta!) I need to get that chicken out of the freezer and cook it - that would give him a lot of lean protein to chow down on instead.
I think of this often. I love my husband dearly. I cannot imagine my life without him. And not only do I love him dearly, I love his legs. haha! But it's TRUE! He has wonderful, very long (6'5" tall guy), nicely shaped man legs. And diabetes is death on feet and legs when uncontrolled. He has beautiful gray eyes and altho his vision is changing with age, he has no damage to his eyes. And diabetes is death on vision when uncontrolled. And then there is the nerve damage all over the body that happens, and so forth and so on. Diabetes is a horrible disease!! I need to get my cooking back in line! One ounce of pasta at a meal - macaroni, noodles, spaghetti, whatever. And only 1/2 cup of potatoes mashed, and so forth and so on. More veggies - good veggies, not starchy ones (like pumpkin sadly, or carrots or beets or peas), but good fresh and frozen veggies.
I'm starting to feel a bit more charged up about it. That's good. That's very good!
Speaking of food, we had dinner with Melinda tonight. It was like old times again, sitting around the table, eating, drinking coffee or water, and talking about everything under the sun. I missed Melinda while we were at home in the States. A lot.
It was very gray today. I'm hanging on by my fingernails. I really need to use the sunshine lamp tomorrow morning. Gotta remember that! Light is as important for me as good food is for Mel. Gotta remember that, too. I'm no good to anyone if I'm a depressed mess curled up on the bed crying.
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