Musings

The wonderful thing about having a blog is that I can write about whatever I want to write about. This blog, as I've said before, is titled My Thoughts because that's what it is - my thoughts. It's not about what we do here in Ukraine, it's not a weaving blog, or knitting blog, or health blog or any other sort of specific blog. It's what I think about, what I'm doing with my hands, what I think OF things and so forth. If people don't like it, they don't have to read it. Kind of a win-win situation. :-) It's a blog for me, for my own pleasure. I love it!

I really missed writing while we were in the States. So much was happening all the time and I had very little alone time to write. I missed being able to process things in my mind through my fingers. I am so thankful I can do this.

I just turned off my sunshine lamp and I feel better already this morning. The past couple of days have been very difficult for me. So the sunshine lamp does help. That and the fact that Melinda asked me if I was ok last night. She told me she could tell that I'm not doing very well coming back this time. I was very surprised, to tell the truth. I so very often am the person who is listening to others. I talk, I engage in conversation - yes! But (and I swear this is true) very seldom do people want to hear about what is going on inside of me and when I do express some of it, quite often I am shot down, shut down, "corrected" (you shouldn't feel/think/act that way - but that is 'your opinion' and I do) or ignored. Melinda listened last night - for awhile, then she got up and messed around with her cats in the other room for awhile - but she came back and listened some more. I cannot begin to express what that meant to me. Mel listens to me, too. And he listened last night as well.

It is not easy living in two worlds. I have ties at home in the States that bind very closely. I have children - IN THE STATES. I have parents IN THE STATES. I have grandchildren IN THE STATES. I have friends IN THE STATES. I have posessions IN THE STATES. I can speak freely in my own mother tongue, I can hear conversations around me and understand them 100% (usually!) IN THE STATES. None of these things are true here (including the friends one - there are friend acquaintances and then there are friends you can share your heart with and they with you without judgement on either side). Here - I have MEL. And I give up all those things to follow my husband whom I love very much.

There is, of course, the spiritual side of all this, too. If Mel is called to Ukraine, then I am called to Ukraine. Shoot - I'm the one who wanted to come here first after all! Sometimes I think that is very funny. I must be where God wants me to be. I need to be where God wants me to be. I want to be where God wants me to be. That does not mean it's going to be easy.

Part of it is also my personality type. I know that, and I've tried to work it to my advantage in this. I love to learn new things. I like a lot of variety, even tho I want some things to always be the same. I keep trying to find new things here in Kherson. I keep looking for the beauty around me - I know it's there. In the States (Colorado) beauty is big and awesome. Here I find it in a flower blossom, or the moss on the tree outside the window or the bird that sat on the window sill and looked at me for a few moments.

I'd really like to go live in Scotland for awhile. Really.

Considering what we do, people are not high on my list of things that interest me. I am an introvert and have become more introverted simply because I am forced to be extroverted so much of the time. I need time to myself, time to be alone, time like right now when I can process. And I need to process. People make me so tired, even when I am enjoying being around them. One on one is fine, but more than that and I quickly run out of energy and have to tap the reserves. After time in a large group setting it can take me several days to get my energy level back up, even though I totally enjoyed whatever was going on in the group setting.

Maybe I should drink more coffee.......

So, I used my sunshine lamp this morning and we will see how the day progresses. I plan to get out the college geology course I bought and brought and start studying geology. I'm very interested in geology. Actually I would love to go back to Utah and look at some incredible geology..... Instead I will pull up some photos and look at them here on the computer and remember when I was there. And I will get out my DVD's and books and study it a bit.

And get my mind off myself for awhile.