Yesterday

Yesterday was an interesting day. It was a tough day. It was a day I don't want to live over, ever again.

I woke up early, very early - 5:45-6:00am early! And I wondered - should I get up? And as I lay there wondering, I heard as distinctly as I now hear Mel moving about in the livingroom, I heard God say to me: "Spend a little time with Me. Pray for the service at church today." I kind of curled myself up around my pillow and I prayed. I prayed for several minutes - for Mel (who was preaching), for the congregation, for God's Holy Spirit to open hearts and minds and for people's hearts to respond. And then I prayed for the Sunday School. It was a wonderful time of prayer, of feeling a warmth of the presence of God that I have not felt for awhile. How very, very thankful I am for that time. It sustained me through the rest of the day.

The church service was, well, shall we say "noisy"? One woman brought her grandson (I think he was her grandson!) and the child was totally out of control. About 5 years old or so and totally undisciplined. He talked right out loud, pulled his grandmother outside and back inside, and more. Then there were the two little tiny guys who clattered all around the back part of the church, running here and there, shoes making the most delightful sounds on the tile floor (they are somewhere around 18 months-2.5 years old). And the little girl who wanted to rattle her papers and also loves to clop, clop, clop around with her sandals on the tile floor (her papa disciplines her, tho - so she was soon sitting quietly, or at least quieter).

Now, all of these noises are not bad - they are good, in that they show we have little kids in church. And we are thankful for that. And the noise does not bother Mel a bit when he's preaching. In fact, he doesn't even hear them!

What is not good is that it does bother people in the congregation, especially the elderly who already have a hard time hearing, or those who are easily distracted.

To top it off, Mel started his sermon by saying that it was going to be a technical, theological sermon and people needed to think.

I wonder - did they? Did they think? Or were they so distracted they couldn't think about much of anything he was saying and instead focused on all the activity going on around them?

It's hard to tell. People have their televisions or radios blaring all the time. They are so used to noise, cell phones ringing out their melodies and strange sounds, cars and buses and trolleys going by on the main streets, conversations, dogs barking, and so forth and so on. Maybe it didn't bother them.

But I felt the war going on. I felt it big time. I was looking for it, due to my time of prayer in the morning, so maybe I was just extra sensitive - but there was a spiritual battle raging in church yesterday morning. I told Mel later that if the veil between our world and the spiritual world had been just a wee bit thinner, I think we would have heard the swords clashing, shouts, and grunts and even little whispers in people's ears.

After it was all over, and I was downstairs for the first time in a very long time, someone came up and totally broadsided me. Totally unexpected. Totally inappropriate place to do it. Words that were cruel and cutting. I realized quickly that I had some blame in what was going on and I apologized at least 4 times, but still it came, spewing out at me, cutting me to the quick in a couple places. I lost it. Anger flared, I bit my tongue to keep back even harsher words than I had already replied, and I left. The problem with words is that once they are out of your mouth, you cannot retrieve them. Never. And I so did NOT want to say anything I would regret for the rest of my life.

I left. Went upstairs, picked up purse and Bible, asked a friend to tell Mel where I had gone, and I left.

There are rammifications for what happened yesterday that remain to be seen. I don't know what the outcome will be. I only know - I am so thankful for those few precious moments in prayer yesterday morning, when I heard my Father's voice, curled up in the warmth of His love and care, and poured out my heart and hopes to Him.

In a way, I should have been prepared for the spiritual, emotional and personal attack on my own self that happened later in the day. Satan's goal is to defeat us, to keep us out of fellowship with God, out of fellowship with our Brothers and Sisters in Christ. Satan and/or his demons were angry and out to destroy.

I only know that I seriously pray no one else heard what was said, by either one of us. That no one else even heard the angry voices. That no one else noticed the angry faces.

Was Satan given a foothold? Will there be lasting damage within the church? Was someone who is seeking the Truth turned away from the Truth by what they may have seen and heard? I do not know. I can only pray.

I was so happy this afternoon, now more than 24 hours later, to find this blog post. Written by Scotty Smith, on The Gospel Coalition blogs website.
A Prayer about the Power and God of Hope

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope Romans 15:13

And hope does not disappoint us (NIV, or “shame us” ESV), because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. Romans 5:5

We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. It enters the inner sanctuary behind the curtain, where our forerunner, Jesus, has entered on our behalf. Hebrews 6:19-20

Gracious Father, I begin this day while the dew of heaven is fresh—the dew of hope. I’d love a downpour of hope, but as long hope comes from you, a dew-size portion is enough. It’s not that disappointing and painful events of recent days have changed significantly. It’s that you haven’t changed and you never will change. You are the God of hope, not just the giver of hope, and the hope you give will never disappoint us or shame us.

Hope will not disappoint us because you will not disappoint us. You will certainly humble us, but you will not let us down or fail us. You don’t promise to work on our timeline or as we would script things, and you certainly don’t promise to give us an un-do or a re-do. But you do promise us that we will not be disappointed in how you choose to work in all things for your glory and the good of your people. We believe, help our unbelief. Give us patient hope.

Hope will not shame us because you will not shame us. Jesus has born the full weight and freight of our sin. We don’t have guileless hearts before one another yet, but we do have guiltless hearts before you, and that’s what matters the most. You now pour the love we don’t deserve into our hearts because you poured the judgment we do deserve onto Jesus.

We don’t have to hold back or hold out on anything. Whatever you bring to light in our lives is for our healing, not our harming; for our freedom, not our flogging; for our sanctification, not our humiliation. We believe, help our unbelief. Give us courageous hope.

How we praise you that the hope you give us is an anchor for our souls, firmly securing us when we find ourselves on threatening seas or in shifting tides. Indeed, we are anchored to a throne of grace; not to the injustice of circumstances; not to the whims and whisperings of men, not to the sins of our past or the uncertainty of our future. We believe, help our unbelief. Grant us bold hope. So very Amen we pray, in Jesus’ tender and trustworthy name.

Categories: Prayer

Tags: courageous hope, hope, the anchor of hope, the God of hope