Reminding Myself When I Am Frustrated....

This week I have been reminded again that we do not live in America, that we live in a different country, a different culture. You would think that would just be obvious, wouldn't you? But sometimes it's not.

We have become 'comfortable' here. As Americans it is fairly easy to be comfortable here.

We don't have to deal with the government in the same way as our friends do. Our American passports still grant us freedom here that our Ukrainian friends do not have. We only touch this at points here and there and it drives us crazy when we do. An example: when we get our registrations renewed. I've written about the frustration involved in that on more than one occasion.

I seldom think about the fact that experiences such as that particular one make up the daily grind for our Ukrainian friends. An example for them: Getting their pension figured out and finally received - and then having to go and actually get it instead of it being automatically transfered into their checking account each month(checking account? what's that? people pay cash here!), unless that has recently begun to happen for some - I know my tutor must stand in line at her post office to get hers, along with all the other people paying bills and/or actually buying stamps/envelopes. In fact, my tutor had to fight to get her pension at all! All while still working her full time job and tutoring students in her "free" time. Hours and hours and hours of standing in line at various government offices, getting this paper signed and that paper signed and finding she needs a new paper here or there, and going back to her boss and fighting for a higher amount instead of the measly amount they wanted her to get (she and her boss do not get along. In fact, this boss has publically castigated her and others in tirades that have left her literally shaking and in tears by the time she gets to our lesson. The boss does this publically and it is for the express purpose of humiliating her and the others. Humiliation being a form of control over another. Oh, this is not the only example I could give - I've heard other stories the same and even worse!) Fortunately, my tutor won her appeal - eventually, after months of working at it - and got the higher pension. But now she must keep on working for several more months to continue to get that higher pension. And believe me - it is not very high, in fact it is disgracefully low considering how many years she has worked and what it costs to live.

I forget these things. That is just one example. Living here as an American with enough money to pay for my needs, I forget that one of the young families we know lives on $60 per month and in a flat which needs a lot of repair. Several of the young families we know are in situations like this - some are deep in debt, others are barely hanging on without going deeply into debt. Another older man lost his flat in a scheme and has been fighting to get "justice" ever since. I forget that several of the older women in our church are supporting other family members - family members who are ill, or who can't find work, or who are too lazy to go out and search, or who are too young to care for themselves, or who have been abandoned by their parents and so they as grandparents are caring for them (and other elderly members at the same time), or who have lost their job in a very unfair and immoral way and are 'too old' now to find another. If I can imagine a bad family situation, there is a chance one of the people I know and care for is actually living this situation day by day.

I look at the faces in the church, at prayer meeting, or those who sit around our table during the week. I think of those who eat and eat and eat when they are here - and I am aware that they are feasting on what to us is a normal meal. My heart breaks. I look at all of the things I have and I wonder if I cause my brothers and sisters to sin (envy, jealousy, greed, anger, etc) - books by the dozen, craft supplies by the box/bag, toys stored in my closet for visiting children or taking to the baby hospital when I went there regularly, food on my pantry shelf, soft white toilet paper in the toilet room, clothing in my shkaf that I never wear, my 4 pair of outside shoes and 2 pair of inside shoes, my washer and fridge (some of the people we know have neither) that save me oodles of time (one woman had never seen a regular manual can opener, but uses the very old fashioned kind that you jab over and over into the lid!), our two laptops - even this internet connection that I am using while writing this post. The paycheck that Mel recieves faithfully each month!!!! Enough money to hire a taxi home from the store if needed, instead having to go shopping every day and having to carry it home in bags, just to eat that day. Every single one of these is something that someone in our church does not have - some do not have several of these things. And our church is not poor! Our church is made up of average people here - some have more money, some have less, but most are just average people.

And somewhere in all of the lives these people actually live day by day, they must rest and have some relaxation and some down time and some time to read the Word and pray and fellowship with other Believers.

I am humbled.

When I get frustrated that no one wants to teach Sunday School, when certain people don't show up week after week for church, when only 2 or 3 come for prayer meeting (walking down dark streets through mud without flashlights to spend a couple hours sitting in a cold mostly dark room? Would I do that??) - I often get frustrated and a bit depressed about it and wonder why in the world we are even here and why isn't "it" better, and so forth and so on. I need a reminder of where I am at and of who the people really are and how they really live. I wonder how I look to them - my life is so incredibly easy and luxurious compared to theirs.

And I need to remind myself that God knows all this. That these are things I need to take to Him in prayer. That sometimes modeling Christian love and care is shown by cooking a meal for someone and then giving them time to just sit around the table and talk and laugh and relax in a safe place for a couple hours.

I am going back to America in just a few days. I am going back to my own culture, to my own home church. When I get there it is going to be a completely different world. People will be very busy - yes. People will have many worries - yes. I will be going back to a church culture that is way over 200 years old and well established and developed. Of course, people will have their own cultural reasons for not showing up at church or being involved in church things. People who are in church are going to ask us questions and expect certain answers and wonder why we can't give them the success stories that they want and expect to hear. Even those who have visited here, who have glimpsed a slice of life here, are not going to fully understand because they have not lived it day after day after day after day with no hope of going back to another home/culture, but have only seen a very sanitized version of reality (except for those adopting - they have experienced the reality of what life is truly like for people here EVERY DAY!).

It is difficult to live in two worlds.

I want Ukraine to be like America. I want the church here to be like my church in the States. I want other things here to be like they were at home. That is how I feel while I am here. But that is not right! This is Ukraine, not America!

While I am in the States I know from experience that I am going to be very uncomfortable with certain things - wasted food, all of the stuff available in the massive big box stores, and more. I will sit in church and relish it, enjoy it, love it and wonder about the private lives of the people I see and the reality of it all. It will take some time to readjust. I will be uncomfortable now. I will be frustrated over things that I never saw before, that never mattered to me before. I will see the reality that some of what I knew to be "correct" was only cultural all along and not Biblical.

Yes, it is difficult to live in two worlds at once - especially when neither one of them is perfect.

I think that this is another way in which God is changing me to long for heaven more and more, and to love this earth and world less and less.

I wish it was easier.