We're getting ready to go for a boat ride on the River with members of the church and kids from the orphanage. Should be a lot of fun. We've done this a few times over the past 12 years, usually with a team that is visiting us from the States. This time a team that was here a few weeks ago left money with our team to do something with the kids later.
I'd mentioned the boat trip several times over the past few months when our team was talking about things we could do as a team this summer. However, it seemed a bit weird to think of renting the boat, which holds up to 400 people crammed on both decks, for just our little group of 11 people (5 of which are kids and 1 an American not actually on our team, but a gal who joins us for worship and is involved in our lives in other ways here since we are the only Americans we know here). Whew. That was a long, involved explanation that probably doesn't need to be there at all!
I've been looking forward to this ever since it was decided that we'd do it.
Today, however, I'm kind of an emotional basketcase, teary and just hoping I can make it through the rest of the day without crying again.
Last night, while sitting in Jamie and Julia's big comfy house, I would break out in hot sweat every once in awhile and start dripping sweat off the end of my nose. I'm carrying a washcloth in my pocket all the time now so I can wipe sweat off my face. This is so frustrating!!! I don't think it's the heat. I think maybe I'm having hot flashes again. And hot flashes at temps in the 80's and above are absolutely no fun whatsoever. I'm also wondering if that's why I'm so emotional.
And if that is true - why? Why when the Dr. assured me that according to my bloodwork last time, I am fully in menopause? And why did I have such a sharp, horrible pain in my lower left side a few nights ago? A pain that woke me up and kept me up for well over an hour? A pain very similar to the pain I had at the beginning of my periods every once in awhile.
One time while Mel and I were traveling in the States, we stopped for the night in Ely, NV. We were getting ready to go out and have dinner after finding a room and putting our stuff in it for the night. Suddenly I was hit with such a pain in that lower side that I cried out. Ended up laying down on the bed, holding a 2-liter pop bottle full of hot water against my side to help ease the pain until I finally went to sleep for a few minutes. If I remember correctly, that was the first time it happened. After that it happened every once in awhile and always on that side.
Now I wonder - do I need to be concerned about this? Is there a possibility that I have a problem with an ovary? Do I need to be concerned about ovarian cancer? Or something else?
Or was it just gas the other night? (I don't think so.)
Later today I'll look it up on the internet. Later when I have more time. All I know was that earlier today I felt a twinge there again - and that's what reminded me of it all to start with.
That and the fact that I feel like I have PMS and am so close to tears. We won't say anything about the "fight" I had with one of my co-workers last night during our prayer time ... no, that has nothing to do with any of it. Right?
Maybe I'll write more later about this all. Hopefully later I'll have lots of photos from the boat trip. For now - I just want to go back to bed, cry awhile and go "home" - wherever home actually is anywmore. I can't seem to find my 'happy place'.
Poor Mel. He has to live with this. With me.
Sigh.
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